In My Blue Cardigan

(for Donder) 25th April 2010 - 9th April 2025

That evening
he lay on my lap,
tucked into my blue cardigan,
the way he always loved.

His fur against my arm,
his breath slow,
his small body heavy
with trust.

Dingus nearby,
the house resting with us.
No grand moment,
no warning,
only that deep contentment
we both knew by heart.

I didn’t know
it would be the last time.

How could I.
The world felt safe,
and he was warm,
and I was his.
He was almost fifteen,
my little rascal,
my Dondersteen.

Now when I see that photo
I feel him still,
curled into the blue,
breathing quiet joy
into the folds of my life.

Every day with him
was a gift,
and somehow
it still is.

(Rest easy Dondermuisje. I will love you always.)

A short note:
I started writing this on April 8, while he was lying in my arms.

On April 9, at 11:40 p.m., we had to say goodbye.

October 24, I rewrote the poem.

the Royal Library